Dr Hank Guggenheim, CodWebs founder and president.

About CodWebs

CodWebs was established to provide the news that no one else could. Our founder and president, Dr Hank Guggenheim, believes not only that the world is flat and is carried on the back of a giant turtle, but that the people of the world are being fed a steady diet of boring, delusional news. “It’s all made up, see. They got this special studio and hire actors. It’s all special effects and computers. Especially the hurricanes.”

Bud Berzhinsky, CodWebs Canadian news reporter.

Dr Guggenheim vowed to give the world the truth. He scoured the bars of east–end Hamilton relentlessly, looking for just the right staff people. A prime example is Bud Berzhinsky, our Canadian news reporter. “I found Bud passed out behind the Derby Hotel,” laughs Dr Guggenheim. “He looked pretty Canadian to me.”

For our world news reporter, Dr Guggenheim tried an executive placement service. “I needed someone who would fit in with all them foreigners, especially Americans. They weren’t much help though—kept sending me MBA graduates and stuff. So I went to the old Jockey Club one night, and found Marty Van Istowski. He was perfect. Sitting at the bar arguing about Indonesian economic policy with the bartender.”

Marty Van Istowski, CodWebs world news reporter.

Both the science and the technology positions were much harder to fill. “Hamilton’s got all these fancy schools,” explained Dr Guggenheim, “but they just fill kids’ heads with nonsense like philosophy and engineering physics. I needed people who were above all of that.” Dr Guggenheim found Walter Smith in Gore Park one Sunday afternoon. “There I was, waiting for the bus, and along came Walter. I hired him as my science reporter immediately.”

Walter Smith, CodWebs science news reporter.

The technology position proved the hardest to fill. “I needed someone totally up to date on all the fancy gadgets we got nowadays,” explained Dr Guggenheim. “It wasn’t easy, but I finally found Bill.”

Bill Duchene, CodWebs technology news reporter.

Bill Duchene, of course, is well–known in various circles of Hamilton’s intellectual scene. “When Dr Guggenheim saw me running with scissors,” said Bill, “he knew he’d found someone with a thorough comprehension of the technological Zeitgeist of our modern era.”

Of course, CodWebs couldn’t function without a dedicated production team. “This bunch were staggering around Hess Village one night, throwing up in the bushes. Exactly what I needed to bring my vision to the world.”

CodWebs production team.

So there you have it: our collection of the best and the brightest, dedicated to expanding your intellectual horizons.